Finally...

Finally... Pink told Nie about her relationship with KW. Was out with Pink for yumcha earlier and she suddenly had the urge to tell Nie about KW. When Nie got there, we interrogated her about David (her colleague, which according to CC, is her new boyfriend-more about him later). She denied everything and said that he's just a colleague and a nice guy. As the night went on, she said many good things about him but yet insist that she doesn't have feelings for him yet sense that he may be going after her. Halfway through the night, Pink confessed that she's and KW has been going out for 3 weeks now. Of course, it wasn't an easy task telling Nie for she had to 1stly guess what was the big surprise and 2ndly have to guess who that person was. After she knew, she was shocked and launched into many questions. Surprisingly, her reaction was not as 'big' as we thought it would be. My guess was that she felt a bit offended that it's only now that she knew about it but Pink had a good cover which was that she didn't know how Nie would act as KW is her 'didi'. Well, it's now up to KW to break the news to EJ.

Finally... We got to meet David. CC told us about David the last time we saw him. According to CC, Nie and David has been spending a lot of time together and he suspects they're going out for when he ask her about it, she was all shy and didn't answer. Anyway, I didn't think much of it cos if it doesn't come out of the horse's mouth, I wouldn't believe it. Anyway, Nie brought David out for a yumcha session on Friday. Pink, Yen and me were updating EJ and KW about this David guy and was wondering if the guy Nie was bring was David. True enough, she introduced him as David and we all snickered to ourselves, of course not too obvious though. David looks a lot like Wagner (Nie's last ex-boyfriend). He's a younger, shorter, thinner, no glasses and not balding version of Wagner. He seemed shy for he didn't talk much and I think we sorta scared him off with our way of speaking. He was practically shrinking in his chair. Hehehe... Anyway, Nie denied she likes him but from the way she talked about him, I feel that feelings might grow. The whole of tonite, I was insisting that she gave David a try and Pink was also agreeing. I don't know what was Pink's intention but mine was so that she would stay away from LW. Again, I must say, I'm cruel but then again, they don't call me FB (fucking bitch) for nothing.

Finally... I got to see LW. On Saturday, I smsed LW to tell him that it's been a long time since I last saw him and added that my mum asked about him and that she missed him (cover up). I also asked when would I see him again but got no reply. Saturday night, I called him but he said he was busy and he'll return call and never did. Sunday afternoon, he called and I was stunned. Sunday night, he called again when KW, Pink, EJ, Yen and I were at yumcha to ask where I was and that he might drop by. He did. Pink was smart enough to go toilet so that he would be able to sit next to me. He did. I was flushed. Only downside was that he was work orientated and asked everyone about work stuff except for me. Felt like he was ignoring me, but Yen and Pink told me I was hallucinating. Maybe it's true, I'm not in the same line anymore and therefore he felt like he's not much to talk to me about. Sad though. The upside was when Pink told me to think properly... He actually got up and thought of me and returned my call in the afternoon. After I thought about it, it's really sweet, actually felt like old times again. Awww... Funnily, I was expecting Nie to have a shock to see LW join us but she seemed like she knew already or she was a good pretender. Oh well, take things as it is, I say.

Finally... Saw CC again. The last we saw of him was when he confronted Yen. Tonite, he suddenly gave Pink a call to ask where she was and said he'll be joining us. We confronted him about his attitude towards Yen. Of course there were accusations about him ignoring and avoiding Yen for every time we yumcha with her and ask him out, he wouldn't come. He denied all and just said that he was really busy. At 1st, I was mad at him and Pink was too but finally I gave up and just said that he's busy and we shall just drop the subject. After he left, I told Pink that from now on, I will just accept things the way it is, I won't speculate no more for all these were what got us into a rough spot before. If he said he's busy, he's busy. End of story. Pink said that it was not friendship anymore if we have to play pretend. I told her that there are close friends whom you no need to pretend with, close friends that you have to pretend to remain close friends, pretend friends and just friends. The 1st category for me is Pink and Yen, for the moment. 2nd category is for LW and CC. 3rd category is for Nie and 4th category is for KW and EJ.

Finally... Pink and KW have some progress. All these while they only held hands, and that's only when they're alone. There was once I asked why all the secrecy as Yen and me already knew about it. Yen said it felt like they are doing something illegal or something. Pink defended by saying that she's not so open about these things. Hopefully it'll be better now, as Nie already knows. Anyways, on Thursday, Pink and KW went on a proper date and they held hands but when they were alone in the car, by the park, he pecked her on both her cheeks. Awww... Isn't that sweet...? Well, there would be more to come, I'm sure. I'll try to keep it updated.

Finally... I have more to write in my blog, compared to the last few entries. I think I have said all and can't think of any more happenings to jot down. So, finally... My last words...

Bitter-Sweet Memories

I wish there was a way where I am able to store every single memory into a book or an album instead of just keeping it in the head. Memories tend to get old, faded and loosen out that's why I want a better way of keeping it. Writing a diary is a good way but I'm not all that hardworking to write everyday and even when I do write, 5 years down the road, I might not be able to picture certain bits and pieces any more. Keeping pictures are another good way but unfortunately, you can't really carry a camera around 24/7 and snapping away all the time. If only words can write themselves into a book and pictures can store themselves next to it.

 

I woke earlier, after a siesta and my thoughts went to Oliver (an ex of mine). It went to a scene where we were laying on my bed and he suddenly proposed. At that age (15), a proposal was nothing for we all know we were just too young for it. It's not that I regretted taking that proposal as a joke that I am reminiscing this memory but it just jolted me to the fact that I'm getting older and when I do get myself a boyfriend now and he proposes, it would be a different scenario. I would probably say yes, seriously. Funnily, I do not have the sense of hurry to get married just yet. Maybe because I know times have changed and I am independent on myself hence no need to get married. I would still want to date a guy just as I have back when I was a teenager. To have that carefree feeling and not being stressed out on whether he's going to propose or not.

 

LW called me earlier around 2pm. He was actually returning call for yesterday. I called him last night to ask him if he wanted to come by just to hangout but before I could state my intentions, he said he'll call back for he's busy. I waited the whole night and as the time approached midnight, I gave up all hope. I was gravely hurt that he didn't take the initiative to call or even sms back. What joy and suprise I got when he called earlier. I was drowsy and I didn't really see who was calling. When I picked up and heard his voice, I melted. What more, his drowsy voice, a voice I've not been hearing for awhile now. He just woke up it seems and probably still laying in bed. We didn't talk much, in fact, there were many pauses but I felt that time was when we were reading each other's mind or something because through the pauses, I felt we connected, all past and current happenings linked. After that call, I sms Yen and Pink. Yen said she also hopes to see him tonight and Pink called me to tease me. I wish I was more awake to savour the moment but as I told Pink, I still felt I wanted to go back to sleep. I did take a couple of minutes to savour the moment before I dozed back into dreamland.

 

I actually have many more thoughts and memories as well as bithcings to put down but I'm not exactly feeling all to good. My ear's stuck, loads of phlegm in my throat and whole body's aching. I hope I'll be better tomorrow or I'm gonna be a mean teacher *fingers' cross*

 

Topics

Today's Sunday and if we do go for yumcha, it'll usually be centered around Malaysian Idol. Makes me wonder, at this moment, who among my friends watched today's episode. From this week onwards, it is up to Malaysians to cast their votes for the Malaysian Idol 2004. Honestly, I did vote for my favorite just now. It was this girl who's really into hip-hop but she's got a good control of voice. Only thing was, she reminded me of GG cos when she drags her voice, it sounds a little hoarse, like GG. There was this other guy, Vick who is a teenager and he can sing but unfortunately, he wasn't powerful enough today so I decided not to vote for him even though I have been a fan of his since I heard him. I just hope he's one of the 3 that gets chosen today. Somehow, what Paul said about Vick was that no matter what the judges say, there'll be little teenage girls who will be swooning over him. So, there is a high possibility that Vick'll get in.

 

Enough on that. Yesterday, EJ called me up in the afternoon to ask if I had any plan for that night. I told him no and asked why. He said he wants to go to this Japanese fest call ObonOdori. I felt really honored that he called me. EJ never calls me unless he's supposingly to pick me. I know, I know, I was kinda his last resort for Pink was going back to her hometown and KW was in Subang. Anyways, he asked me to invite Yen and Nie as well and he was also wondering if I knew how to get there. I called my Aunt to ask for directions and we got there with no trouble at all. Unfortunately, Nie couldn't join us for she was working and in a way, I was glad (I'm horrid).

 

Suprisingly, there were loads of people there and parking had to be far away. We had fun seeing people dressed really 'ah beng' and 'ah lian' with their colored and molded hair as well as clothings. Some even wore like as if they were going to a ball or something. HELLOooo... It was on a field, with mud!!! And people were wearing heels and skirts?!? The only perk was the little children in kimonos, real cute. Felt like phideophiles. Besides that, there were nothing much going on. There were some Japanese performance on stage but nothing unusual. Most of the things there were food stuff, some Japanese, some Chinese and even Malay but most can be found in 1Utama. Pink's gonna kill me when she reads this posting for we plan to tell her that we had a great time and there were loads to see and do but unfortunately because of the crowd, we were forced to leave early. Hehehe... Aren't we just cruel...? By the way, we met Jaz, Syu, Lily and some other guy on our way out while they were on their way in. Jaz put on a lot of weight (too much protein). I was being mean when Yen suggested I told him too much protein isn't good and I said, 'If I can't get him, why should I care?' Lolz...

 

After ObonOdori, EJ still felt Japanesed and suggested we head to this nice little place where there's good Japanese food. It was somewhere near the old airport and situated in a Japanese condo. The atmosphere was wonderful. The pool was so clear and blue, made me wanna jump in. The restaurant was quite Japanese styled and the waitress knew EJ well. Seems he used to frequent there with his Japanese basketball friends. The food was nice but too much for EJ kept ordering stuff. Finally, EJ managed the bill for us but he said that it's his mum's money so we should thank her. Yen later smsed me to ask if it was truly settled by EJ's mum and I told her that we should offer to pay back and see what happens. She said if it's so, it's a rare occasion for EJ is not one who pays for things. I don't know, I find that he has changed some how and it seems to be a good thing. For one, he's a gentleman, unlike many other guys I know. He opens doors, he drop and picks with the door facing you, he watches out for the ladies and stuffs like that, things you hardly find in a man these days. Anyhows, I still feel bad so I would still insist on paying him back.

 

I don't know why but these few days, I feel that I've not much to say. Every time I log on to blog, I draw a blank. It's not that there's nothing going on in my life. Have I grown lazy-er? Have I grown more boring? I know my mood swing has been awful. I feel irritated and depressed most of the time. It's like 10mins, I'm bubbly and instantly, I change to snappy for the next 5mins. Makes me feel like Dr.Jackyl and Ms.Hyde. I think the person who realize this is Pink. Many a times I've snapped at her for no reason and she'll snap back at me for being snappy. After that, I'll hold back my tongue like a defeated dog running away with its tail between its legs. Think I'll stop here for now. I'm shooting blanks again. DAMN..

 

To Believe Or Not To Believe

Last nite during yumcha, we started on the topic of tarot cards and all of a sudden, everyone seemed 'gian' on predicting fate. Thing is, I was the only one that could remember how to do it. Anyways, I help predict Yen, Pink and EJ's fate with their love ones. I told Pink that I would rather predict others and not let mine be read for one simple reason, I don't like to know.

I actually believe in all these a lot. I do think that by believing whole-heartedly, the spell would work more. Call me superstitious and I'll gladly admit it.

Many others may take this lightly and usually it's not so true. As said above, to believe or not to believe, that is the question.

Suprisingly, I have not much to write today. A short one tonite -Outtie-

Still Tingling

Last night was a blast. I didn't expect to see so many people. Some have changed a lot and some still remained the same. One thing still was the same though, the popular people still stuck together and the rest were, well.. The rest. It was still great to see them all after 10 years. 10 YEARS!!!! Just a blink of an eye and I'm 10 years older already. I can still remember days back in primary school... *reminisce*

Yesterdays episode made me feel like going all the way back to primary school again. Where there were not so much worries and all we did whole day was just to go through some classes and mostly just have fun. Even back then, status was already built but it was not so important. Yes, there were popular people but we all seem to mingle pretty well together without much discrimination. Back then, everyone in our year knew each and every one. Life was great.

Sadly I had to leave pretty early last night. If given the chance, I would have wished to stay a little longer for there wasn't enough time to catch up with each and every one and even when I did, it was just a little here and there. Never REALLY catch up. Maybe someday, after I've gotten the list of names, phone numbers and email addys, I'll get a few people out together just to REALLY catch up. I think after last night, we all seem to be very 'semangat' to wanna keep in touch.

I don't know if it's just me or what but I feel like I didn't manage to make such a big impact when I was in primary school and the same feeling adapts to whatever I do even till now. I think last night, I kinda shocked some people who didn't really noticed me when I was in primary school. Whether it was a good shock or a bad one, I wouldn't know but it was a shock and an eye-opener, which I think is good cos they'll know me now. Am I weird? Hehe. Honestly, I actually don't remember/recognize many people and felt bad about it. Guess I should make more effort in the future.

All in all, I had much fun last night and wish to do it again some time. Hopefully it wouldn't have to wait another 10 years time. I have to admit that there were loads of 'yeng chou' feelings from my part but as the night wore on, it faded but alas, time did not prevail. I got home and actually couldn't sleep, just thinking back. Even now, I'm smiling to myself. DAMN.. I'm weird!!! -outtie-

Silent Observer

Pink and KW finally got together. Hooray for them!!! I feel so happy for them and hopefully they will last for a long time. Pink sounds ecstatic and I do believe that I sensed a certain cheerfulness and glow when we were talking on the phone earlier. Funny how love works, it can make you or break you. She admitted that her feelings for him has indeed grown and I really glad to hear that. I was only worried that it would be a 1-sided thing. It seems a lot of people now knows, her other side of friends, her family and (I think) KJ. I did ask her earlier how she felt about KJ. She said that she thought about him but not so much 'in that way' anymore. It's good for here.

LW called Pink on Wednesday night while we were out yumcha. Her phone was then passed round from her to Yen then to me. When I was talking to him, I could actually feel myself blushing. I was so tongue-tied, I didn't know what to say to him but yet I wanted to talk to him. I knew I was stammering and talking gibberish. I hope he didn't notice. Anyways, it seems like he's as normal and nothing did go wrong in our friendship. All this has left me so confused. Oh well, again I must say, it's all good from here.

I have been thinking of long lost friends of late. Maybe it's because my primary school's reunion is this Saturday. I am a little nervous about it because I must say that I ain't such a big fan of reunions especially when it comes to schools. I find that it's just a way to show off who's been more successful and stuffs like that. I have to admit that I have not changed much and have not achieved any greatness so therefore am not really happy about going. I'm only going in hopes to meet up with my old close friends and Adeline will be going too. Anyways, the person who's been in my mind mostly is Adrian. He used to be Elaine's bf and he was my kor too. I have lost contact with him for a year now and I wonder if he's come back to Malaysia or still in the States. I do so wanna see him and catch up. I guess there's no way I could contact him and leave this all to fate.

I have also been thinking a lot about my role in this life. I feel somewhat like I state above, a silent observer. I can't really say that I'm always the last to know but I am somehow one of the last to know and never the 1st. It's hard to give an example without stating names so I won't. All I can say is that sometimes, I feel left out and only wish someone would turn to me, to confide in me totally. I feel like I'm no one's close friend. Pink is the only one that say I'm hers but she has many friends and somehow she'll tend to confide in them other times too. I'm not saying that she's bad for doing that for she too has her own life but it's just that she and GG are the only ones that makes a little difference in my life.

I feel like I'm such a boring person for I've not much topics to talk about and I can't really come up with a witty comment or anything. Maybe that's why no one wants to get close to me? Mayb be.. (Pink, I know you're thinking that this isn't me cos you would think I have much confidence and all that but I honestly am good at hiding things - I doubt even GG knows this side of me)

I really question my existence. At times like these, I wish a fairy or something would appear and take me to a world without me to show me how important I really am (like in stories and fairytales) *grins* Yes, I know, I read too much fairytales and I'm starting to live in one. I WISH!!! Hehehe. Come to think of it, I do not have much friends. I think I can count my friends with both hands. GAWD... I feel so sad for myself *depression sinks in* I think I know now why I was so happy when I spent every waking moment with LW. It was then that I felt needed cos he needed company and besides, I liked him. Sheesh.. Not only am I SAD but I'm weird too. I better stop talking about me now and get on with my unimportant life T.T

Such Dramas

Now, let's see.. Where did I leave out? I think I kinda stopped somewhere 2 weeks ago when I mentioned we went to Cyberjaya with EJ. I think I'll go by topic this time round.

1st up, Pink. A week back, KW confessed to Pink that he likes her but she really thought he was joking and probably thinking with his other head instead. She voiced her concerns to me and I told her I wasn't surprised at all for I always knew he had in it him that he liked her. Somehow, I felt like GG when she always knew I liked someone even without me telling her. Anyways, I told her to take it slow and sleep on it. She did and she felt that she might give him and herself a chance by trying. Just when she thought that, he smsed her to tell her that he likes her and all but was not sure if he's ready to fall in love. Immediately, her whole body felt weak for she felt cheated. As she puts it, breakup within 24hrs, and they weren't even together!!!

3rd July, Saturday, we had a little gathering at Pink's house. There were 7 of us, Pink, Yen, Nie, EJ, KW, Ken (Yen's cousin) and me. We had a little steamboat gathering. Everything was going quite well till the vodka came out. EJ was down after 2 glasses and he looked like a lobster. Pink was tipsy and head up to her room to sleep. I was feeling tipsy too and slept on the floor. Only KW, Nie, Yen and Ken was able to stand the whole night. I woke up somewhere in between the game of truth and I realized that KW was thinking of Pink in everything he did. In a way, it was freaky cos he seemed like a sex maniac or something but then again, it was way obvious he felt something for her. Everyone left around 7am but KW and me stayed on. When I woke up the next afternoon, Pink and KW was watching TV downstairs. Pink fell asleep halfway and I got talking to KW. I asked if he liked Pink and he finally admitted everything but at that moment, he was still a little confused over his feelings. That night, we all went yumcha and after that, I was online for awhile when KW told me that he really likes Pink after some thinking. He got smsing Pink and confessed to her. To make a long story short, they're kinda together but not exactly officially cos he didn't ask face to face and they've never been on a date just yet and it's only Yen and me who knows about this.

Yen suggested that KW and Pink do some underground dating 1st before they announce to the world for things might get a bit awkward and uncomfortable seeing as it's the 1st time for Pink and 2nd time for KW. I think it's a good idea too, just like when PK and GG got together. Me, as GG's bestfriend, didn't even know they were together until a month and a half later or something. But when we found out, they already built a foundation together and that made things easier to bear.

2nd up, Yen. Night before last, Yen was telling Pink that she missed CC. Things got very emotional and the next day, Pink felt like she needed to do something about it. She decided to call CC out for lunch to talk things over. Fortunately, things went pretty well despite his stupid jokes and all. That night, he said he's going to talk things over with Yen and explain everything till everything's cleared. He was supposed to ask her out for dinner but he had to work. In the end, he joined us for yumcha and Pink and me had to walk away for them to talk. When we came back, everything seemed to be going well. After he left, Yen told us that he admitted to him being a coward and ignoring her but the answer was still no. He made it better by praising her but that wasn't want she wanted. Well, we can't always have what we want and she is very thankful it's all over now. At least no more hanging by a string.

Seeing CC again last night made me realize that I actually miss him SOOOO much. I know I have said that I miss him and I have thought about him but I just didn't know how much till I saw him. There was one stage when I just stared at him, absorbing every detail of him, afraid that it might be the last time I'll see him again. My heart was seriously melting and felt my tears welled up but it didn't come out (thank god). I later told Pink that I'm afraid I might actually cry if I were to see LW again, where my feelings are actually involved. She joked by saying that she'll help me to coverline by pinching me so that it seems I'm crying from the pain instead. Now, just thinking about CC last night makes me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside (don't bang the wall, k). We're supposingly to invite CC and LW for yumcha this Friday and act like it was an impromptu thing to watch Nie's reaction to their presence. If she acts surprised, we'll all know that she had something to do with our ruin friendship. If she acts normally, it would be great. We'll just have to see and I on the other hand, am feeling a little excited and scared at the same time of seeing LW again.

Let's see, what more have I to say. I think I have more to write on but I just can't seem to remember what. Damn... I'm getting old. I should write my blog once a week or I might not be able to remember every juicy detail. Life's such a drama for me. So much happening, even in 1 days' time. I have to take a break and think about it. Meeting up with Pink and Kor tonite. Might have something to write on...? *puts little finger near mouth and does Dr.Evil's expression* mayb be...

So Much To Say, So Little Time

I'm actually quite tired now. I actually blew Pink off at yumcha because I was in a foul mood (sleepiness). After I had my bath, I decided a quick check of mails wouldn't do any harm but how wrong I was for now I feel more alive and full of words at my fingertips.

Where shall I start?

Friday, 18 June 2004. We went for our usual yumcha session with our usual gang, minus Nie for she had something to do, it seems. All of a sudden, EJ felt like taking a nice ride up to Genting but seeing as there were 5 of us and he drove a small car, we decided not to try our luck in hiking up the hills of Genting. Instead, we drove to Cyberjaya and got lost there. We were actually looking for this park which EJ praised so much about but he didn't really remember how to get to. Anyways, it all ended well with us getting lost, meeting blocked roads and finally finding that the park was off limits to outsiders during the nights (we went in like thieves anyway). It was a good experience and I can safely say that we all enjoyed it even with the setbacks.

Next day, EJ, KW, Pink and me went downtown to meet up with one of Pink's cyberfriend for a movie. It wasn't a good movie even though I liked the star. Worse part was for Pink when she realized that her cyberfriend didn't even pay her back for the movie ticket. We made the better of it by play machines at the arcade. EJ and Pink were a real hit at the ParaPara machine, KW blasted his way through on the shootout machine and I beat the hell outta some guys on the BishiBashi. After that, we all headed over to EJ's house for some karaoke session. This time, Yen was with us. We had loads of fun laughing and singing and playing with EJ's prop hats. EJ's grandma kept pushing me to ask EJ to go to church for I was busy preparing SS lessons for the next day while they were karaoke-ing. Of course I told her I wouldn't dare for he'll probably disown me as friend. When the pizza arrived, we ate and watched 'Austin Powers Goldmember'. We then moved on to playing Life, 3 times for we played it wrongly the 1st and 2nd time. Nie called Pink and me while we were there and we had to make up a story that we were at home. I felt the need to lie for I didn't feel good for not inviting her in the 1st place. According to Pink and Yen, they feel we shouldn't have lied. In a way, make her feel that we can still have fun even without her OR the 2 boys. Funnily, KW was the one that instructed us on what to say. Why I find it funny was because we all thought he was the closest to Nie and he would not lie to her. Well, people change and as Yen puts it, maybe he's coming towards our side now.

Couple of days after that, Pink, Yen and me went for yumcha and we were discussing this issue. Yen and Pink then said that we should be honest with Nie about what we have been up to so that if someone accidentally blurts out, the situation will not be awkward. I felt it was wrong for I really don't want to hurt Nie. Yes, I do somehow blame her for disrupting my friendship with the 2 boys but I do not hate her THAT much just yet. I do believe I'm giving her one final chance. I finally agreed to Yen and Pink's suggestion for I do not want to have anymore awkward situations. So, the next time we went out yumcha together, Pink mentioned to Nie about the Cyberjaya trip and how she missed it for she has something to do. Karaoke was not mentioned for we already told her a lie and if we mention that now, she'll suspect that we've been lying to her on several occasions. She seems fine with it but I do realized that after that, she has been trying to make an effort to come out with us every time. Previously, she would have given some excuse and didn't show up or if she did, she'll only stay awhile. I don't know if she's lack of attention or just wanna be the main attention or even wanna be in an attention but she sure makes me feel funny when I'm around her. I do not lie when I say that I am always suspecting and querying her every move.

I actually have more to put on this post but I think I'll leave it for another time. Eyes beginning to close. Another long day tomorrow with work in the morning, meeting Razali in the afternoon, tutorial in the evening and yumcha at night *sigh* Yeay!!! Can't wait (sarcasticly). Not that I do not enjoy any of it but sometimes I feel that I'm getting too old for this. Oh well, I better treasure and enjoy this while I'm still young and still can *lifts glass* Cheers to my pals.