Silent Observer

Pink and KW finally got together. Hooray for them!!! I feel so happy for them and hopefully they will last for a long time. Pink sounds ecstatic and I do believe that I sensed a certain cheerfulness and glow when we were talking on the phone earlier. Funny how love works, it can make you or break you. She admitted that her feelings for him has indeed grown and I really glad to hear that. I was only worried that it would be a 1-sided thing. It seems a lot of people now knows, her other side of friends, her family and (I think) KJ. I did ask her earlier how she felt about KJ. She said that she thought about him but not so much 'in that way' anymore. It's good for here.

LW called Pink on Wednesday night while we were out yumcha. Her phone was then passed round from her to Yen then to me. When I was talking to him, I could actually feel myself blushing. I was so tongue-tied, I didn't know what to say to him but yet I wanted to talk to him. I knew I was stammering and talking gibberish. I hope he didn't notice. Anyways, it seems like he's as normal and nothing did go wrong in our friendship. All this has left me so confused. Oh well, again I must say, it's all good from here.

I have been thinking of long lost friends of late. Maybe it's because my primary school's reunion is this Saturday. I am a little nervous about it because I must say that I ain't such a big fan of reunions especially when it comes to schools. I find that it's just a way to show off who's been more successful and stuffs like that. I have to admit that I have not changed much and have not achieved any greatness so therefore am not really happy about going. I'm only going in hopes to meet up with my old close friends and Adeline will be going too. Anyways, the person who's been in my mind mostly is Adrian. He used to be Elaine's bf and he was my kor too. I have lost contact with him for a year now and I wonder if he's come back to Malaysia or still in the States. I do so wanna see him and catch up. I guess there's no way I could contact him and leave this all to fate.

I have also been thinking a lot about my role in this life. I feel somewhat like I state above, a silent observer. I can't really say that I'm always the last to know but I am somehow one of the last to know and never the 1st. It's hard to give an example without stating names so I won't. All I can say is that sometimes, I feel left out and only wish someone would turn to me, to confide in me totally. I feel like I'm no one's close friend. Pink is the only one that say I'm hers but she has many friends and somehow she'll tend to confide in them other times too. I'm not saying that she's bad for doing that for she too has her own life but it's just that she and GG are the only ones that makes a little difference in my life.

I feel like I'm such a boring person for I've not much topics to talk about and I can't really come up with a witty comment or anything. Maybe that's why no one wants to get close to me? Mayb be.. (Pink, I know you're thinking that this isn't me cos you would think I have much confidence and all that but I honestly am good at hiding things - I doubt even GG knows this side of me)

I really question my existence. At times like these, I wish a fairy or something would appear and take me to a world without me to show me how important I really am (like in stories and fairytales) *grins* Yes, I know, I read too much fairytales and I'm starting to live in one. I WISH!!! Hehehe. Come to think of it, I do not have much friends. I think I can count my friends with both hands. GAWD... I feel so sad for myself *depression sinks in* I think I know now why I was so happy when I spent every waking moment with LW. It was then that I felt needed cos he needed company and besides, I liked him. Sheesh.. Not only am I SAD but I'm weird too. I better stop talking about me now and get on with my unimportant life T.T