I Hate Christmas

It's the time of cheer and happines, so why do I not feel so jolly? In true fact, the feeling of christmas has left me the year my parents got seperated.

Now, I feel for christmas is stress. The stress of worrying what to buy for everyone and whether I have the budget for it. The stress of cleaning the house for a party of some sort. The stress of wrapping presents. The stress of wondering of either parent would mind if I spent it with the other...

Christmas is indeed a very sad time of the year for me. A true meaning of christmas is where it should be spent with your family, eating and drinking and opening presents together. Now, the meaning has somewhat changed to spending it with friends, smoking and drinking and doing crazy things. I know I'm being all sentimental here, but it's the truth. I used to look forward to christmas when I was younger. Even getting ready for christmas was so much fun. My whole family would be cleaning the house, putting up christmas decorations and the tree, buying gifts, wrpping them... all these were done 2 weeks before christmas and from that time till christmas, there was always so much joy and happiness.

My friends asked me out for some get-together later. I'm thinking of declining them. I just don't have the mood for partying. Christmas is just so dreadful to me. I think I should stay home and accompany my dad. Already I feel bad for not being with mum. I called her ealier to ask if she was home, for me to drop off the presents, she sounded unhappy, I don't blame her, with all her kids not around her during christmas, even I would be unhappy. But if I were with her, then what about dad? He'll be alone as well. I don't like having to choose and seperate cos it only makes me feel horrible and I know there's no way of changing things. I thought I would have gotten used to this lifestyle by now, but even after about 10 years living like this, I still haven't gotten used to the whole I-feel-bad-for-not-being-with-the-other-parent-during-christmas.

Christmas sucks!