Hmmm... I wonder

I wonder... How many people reads my blog. I know I read Pink's blog and occasionally when I have the time, I would read people linked to her blog. Call me a stalker but I am not, I swear... I'm just curious. I'm curious about how others think and what life they lead. Reading people's blog can be interesting as it takes me out of my own little world, which can be pretty mudane at times.

I recently came across a new blog. I liked his comics. It made sense and it was interesting to see things from a guy's point of view. (Hey dude, if you're reading this, please don't sweat so much about your ex. Move on.. There's so much more to life than just gfs/bfs. Take things in your stride and take that time with her as a great experience.) I really liked his comics though, made me laugh.

Pink once asked, why do people blog. I have no idea. I don't have the slightest idea why I blog either. Maybe I just want people to read my thoughts...? Maybe I just wanna type out what I feel inside (afterall, things are better said in writing than in saying). Whatever it is, I still like blogging even though I seldom do so and get complains from my pals about having nothing to read on my blog (I have to ask, if they're my friends and we see each other ever so often, why do they still need to read my blog to know me? Hmmm...)

So, to all that reads my blog, have fun and please do feel free to comment or anything. I'd love to know how many people takes an interest in me *grins*

Where have all the good men gone?

They must have all perished in the great flood or blazing fire somewhere.

Was out yumcha with the gang last nite and we wandered upon this topic of all the good men and our expectations of a good man. I was the first to admit that I may be the materilistic girl as I want my man to be financial capable and earn more than me. He doesn't have to be good looking just as long as "boleh dibawa ke majllis". Mike once asked what I meant by that and if I was insulting the less fortunate guys as they cannot afford nice clothes and all. I said that when there's a will, there's a way. He doesn't have to wear branded clothes just as long as it's presentable.

After my confession, Nic and G said I wasn't being materilistic, just merely realistic. They too said that they would want a man who's financially capable, preferbably more than they are. We then pondered where all the men (in general) went. G said they must all be at home, growing fat. After evaluating our workplace, we also realised that that might be true as the ratio of women overcomes the men.

Honestly, I cannot handle it if my men is out of job. I will INSIST that he gets a job ASAP. Afterall, it is perceived that the men are breadwinners of a family. Even though times have changed and women are more capable of taking care of themselves now than the last generation, some things just don't change. Women still wants to be pampered and taken care of, not to take care of their men and pay for their food!

More discussing later, I stated that now a days, there's 5 women to a man. More reasons why men can be choosey and play around. As for us women, we just have to lower our expectations or be single for the rest of our lives. The other option is to be a lesbian, in which case, is happening more and more now.

In conclusion, all the good men are either dead, married or gay!

Have I lost it?

Been a long week, as usual. Finally got moved to Mktg Dept. Feeling lost bcos I miss my Op Dept people. Poor Flora is also lost as she has been getting bang by MaleFish since Monday (non-stop). Thing is, she is getting it for things that does not concern her nor is it her fault. It's just that I feel MaleFish thinks she is an easy target as she is so small and fragile looking. I really feel for her and know for a fact that the whole office does too.

Trying to get comfy at my new place. I don't like it tho as it is very open. Anyone who wants to walk to the door can see me and my pc. Have to be really careful with what I'm doing now a days. Oh well, at least now I know which dept I'm in, better than being neither here nor there.

Nothing much has been happening in my life lately, hence my empty blog. Mktg Dept is planning a weekend trip to Ipoh (was supposed to be Camerons) next weekend. Mike (Mktg Man) will be going too. I wonder how much fun we will have with him. He is gay by the way (the closet kind), no one asked him and I doubt anyone will but we all know. He's really fussy and has irregular PMS sympthoms. Oh well, not really looking forward to trip but do need to get away at a low-cost budget. Will see how it turns out.

Haven't seen my out-of-office friends since Starlight Cinema day. Kinda miss them. Feel left out. But knowing me, when they ask to go out, I'm always either too tired or lazy. Think they've given up asking me out. Don't blame them. I would be so frustrated with a friend like me too. I guess with me, work takes the mainstage in my life now followed by family then friends, oh yea, not forgetting church. So many things to do for this church thingy. Will have to go visit some handicapped women's home this Sunday. Wish me luck.

I hate myself for being me

Having a horrible day.

1st - Woke up on the wrong side of bed. The moment I woke up, was already feeling depressed. Don't even know why. Had to hold back tears justso I could get ready for work. Nearly cried on the way there.

2nd - Got to work and no smile. Mum called to ask if I'd be going next Wednesday for family photo. Said yes and she went on saying Shaun might not go as dad found out he went for family dinner. Continued saying that dad's not paying his bike insurance, road tax and mobile reload. I told her it was none of my business as he doesn't even acknowledge me anymore any way. She got pissed and said that if she and me don't acknowledge each other, does it mean she's not my mum. I thought it was ridiculous but left it at that cos I didn't wanna argue.

Day just got worse after that call.

3rd - Went for a meeting between colleague-friend to prepare for presentations. aN was asking Original to finish up stuffs and in a loud way. Of course Original defended himself by saying he has many other things to do. I thought I could help by asking aN to quickly get into the room so that the situation won't worsen. Got into the room and she thought I was defending him. Ignored me the whole time. I was hurt. After meeting, went straight for a smoke alone and aN walks in with CF. aN was commenting to CF that she's not the kinda person who bitches and proceeded to explain her story to CF but I knew it was targetted at me. I didn't wanna hear that nor get involved in her department. I was just merely hurt that she thought I was against her. We haven't spoken since. Went to the toilet, sat on the floor and try to cry it out but the tears are all stuck in my throat.

Feel like shit now. Wish I weren't me. Sometimes I say things, thinking to help situations but somehow it backfires and makes me feel like.... how I feel now. Hating myself for being me. I have decided to shut up and not saying anything except when asked from now on. *zips mouth*

To all who reads my blog & complains of "no new entry"

Was reading thru Pink's blog earlier, jst realised tht I hv missed out a lot of my friend's life. It's not tht I don't want to but I jst can't bring myself to be able to juggle both work AND play. I envy my friends who can work all day and yet still find time to meet up at night to catch up. All I want to do after work is to go home and sleep the day away and prepare for the next.

To all my wonderful friends, I trully am sorry for not being there whenever. I do not promise tht things will change even after this but I do promise tht I would at least try to be there when I can. I do worry at times tht I would be discarded from the gang but somehow I take for granted tht I'd still be welcome back. I know it's bad of me to think this way and I know tht I'd get comments from my pals abt this later on. But I'm jst saying the truths and blogging as I think.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), I don't have problems as what my pals are facing... Love/Crush problems. Why? I jst can't find the time to do such things. Work has taken a major part of my life. Ever since the company launched this new program, I have been in the verge of everything. I am even clueless on my designation and work duties as I feel I'm doing both Operations AND Marketing. My boss (Fish) told me tht she would let me know by last week but yet there was no word on it till today. She has assured me tht I would be a cetrified marketeer tho. And yes, I have been doing more marketing work than operations of late but still MaleFish still gives me things to do for Operations. Problem with my bosses is tht there is no communication between them even tho they are husband & wife. Both can be talking abt the same things but yet saying different things... Wht is tht?!? *scratches head*

I do have a certain someone to look forward to at work tho. I call him "Original" to people who knows this crush of mine. He seems to be everything I want in a man cos he's a man's man kinda guy. He looks good in anything he wears (or is tht jst to me?). In the beginning, the crush was pretty big but of late, he has been getting on my nerves as well due to his laziness, lateness and bitchyness. Other than tht, he is basically a nice guy (to me). All his flaws were not aimed at me but from wht I see and hear from others therefore he's still my prince charming. Problem arises when I know he loves his gf to bits and plans on marrying her and tht he's a Malay (wht's up with me and malay guys?). Both of us has been spending very little time together lately as we both are caught up with heaps of work and changes. But I still enjoy times we spend at the stairway (smoking area).

There's this other guy in my office (also malay) tht has caught my eye. He's Original's ex-student (believe it or not, Original is a lecturer, despite his bad-boy look) tht has recently joined this company as a full timer. He ain't much to look at but he is an interesting person to know. He claims to be a vampire and I believe him because of the many things he say and do. Don't ask me, I won't tell. It's a secret between the both of us. I feel very protective over this other guy (I call him "Other"). He looks so fragile tht I feel I need to take care of him. He calls me mum but I don't wanna be his mum, I wanna be someone dear to him tht can take care of him (I'm hoping too much). I don't know if it's jst me or wht but he seems to be giving hints tht he feels something, yet he's not saying anything but jst dropping hints in his words and actions. I'm thinking and hoping (again!) too much.

Things has been a lil weird at the office these days too. A lot of dramas. aN, a collague of mine who has become a friend is a lesbo and she has hooked up with another collague of mine, Kat. In the process, aN hurt her gf's heart by breaking up with her for Kat. Tht day was so full of tension. Early morning, aN asked me to go for a smoke and I knew something was not right. At the stairway, she told me she broke up with Lo to be with Kat as someone from the office told Lo aN and Kat has been very close of late. aN couldn't take the lies and jst confessed the truth. Now, aN and Kat are officially together but only a few of us know, namely me, CF and Eunice (which I think suspects but not really know). The rest of the Operation Dept has been speculating but no one has asked.

I don't like Op Dept to speculate things as they tend to get it wrong and blame the wrong people. I knwo this as I have been with Op since I joined this company. I have misjudged a few collagues due to things I hear from Op. After I moved away from Op and made friends with other people in the company and get to know them better, that I realised tht aren't as bad as Op make them out to be. In fact, a few of them has turned from colleagues to friends. The few I call friends are aN, CF, Kat and Joyce. Unfortunately, I can't mix Joyce with the rest of them as Joyce is from Op and as said, Op and Mktg (the rest of them are from Mktg) can never mix. Jst a difference in understanding, interest and conversation. I'm not saying tht I'm an all-rounder in the office but I do try to get to know each and everyone as much as I can, unlike Op, they tend to keep to themselves and only mingle with each other. I was nearly caught in tht web as well, luckily I knew how to phase myself. My believe is that, you can't beat them, join them.

Oh man... I was gonna make this a short one but looks like I've gone wayyyy overboard. To all who is reading this, hope you had fun catching up on my life. Hahahaha...

Have a presentation to Fish at 3pm. Funnily, I don't feel as nervous as I thought I would be. Maybe it's because I know these people. Put in front of strangers and I'll prolly curl up and die. K, better go thru my speech. Wish me luck. Looking forward to tonight. Gonna go watch Samara on Startlight Cinema with Pink and gang. Finally!!! I'm doing something with my outside friends...