I hate myself for being me

Having a horrible day.

1st - Woke up on the wrong side of bed. The moment I woke up, was already feeling depressed. Don't even know why. Had to hold back tears justso I could get ready for work. Nearly cried on the way there.

2nd - Got to work and no smile. Mum called to ask if I'd be going next Wednesday for family photo. Said yes and she went on saying Shaun might not go as dad found out he went for family dinner. Continued saying that dad's not paying his bike insurance, road tax and mobile reload. I told her it was none of my business as he doesn't even acknowledge me anymore any way. She got pissed and said that if she and me don't acknowledge each other, does it mean she's not my mum. I thought it was ridiculous but left it at that cos I didn't wanna argue.

Day just got worse after that call.

3rd - Went for a meeting between colleague-friend to prepare for presentations. aN was asking Original to finish up stuffs and in a loud way. Of course Original defended himself by saying he has many other things to do. I thought I could help by asking aN to quickly get into the room so that the situation won't worsen. Got into the room and she thought I was defending him. Ignored me the whole time. I was hurt. After meeting, went straight for a smoke alone and aN walks in with CF. aN was commenting to CF that she's not the kinda person who bitches and proceeded to explain her story to CF but I knew it was targetted at me. I didn't wanna hear that nor get involved in her department. I was just merely hurt that she thought I was against her. We haven't spoken since. Went to the toilet, sat on the floor and try to cry it out but the tears are all stuck in my throat.

Feel like shit now. Wish I weren't me. Sometimes I say things, thinking to help situations but somehow it backfires and makes me feel like.... how I feel now. Hating myself for being me. I have decided to shut up and not saying anything except when asked from now on. *zips mouth*