I Will Miss...

He's gone now.

He left without a trace. No hugs, no goodbye kisses. Ffish didn't even realised it was his last day.

Went for dinner with him and Other. Nothing fancy, just a simple dinner at TL. A simple meal that cost RM3.40. We joked, we laughed, we gossiped. All the while I was wishing things didn't have to end. Everything else seemed normal. It didn't feel like it was his last day. Right up till the time he dropped me home.

That's when the feelings of emptiness sinked in.

His parting words, "Goodbye, Garfield." And mine? "Fuck you la!" *laughs*

Thinking back, I still smile. He always had a 1st impression of me as garfield and it never did leave him. I hated it cos I hate CATS! But now, I'd give anything to have him say that to me.

I'll miss his funny remarks.
I'll miss his comforting words.
I'll miss his stories about his experiences.
I'll miss his boyish smile.
I'll miss hanging with him at Jln Alor.
I'll miss him as my release-stress bag.
I'll miss abusing him when he pisses me off.
I'll miss his fwaffy hair.

*sniffs*
I'LL MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!!!
*cries*

With that, it closes this chapter of my life.

-end-

Bye-Bye, Happiness

I never felt like this, even though I knew he was leaving more than a week ago. I was sad but it never did hurt.

I got back from dinner today, lay on my bed and thought, "Tomorrow's his last day. How are we gonna celebrate it? What should I wear?" and then it suddenly hit me, "Who am I gonna go smoke with? Who's gonna be my punching bag? There will be no more reasons for me to walk over to that department. I will not be able to turn back and look at him or disturb him. I cannot stand at Jln Alor, just stoning with him." I felt the sadness overwhelm me, just like it is now as I'm typing this.

Good God, I will miss him so much. I have been reminiscing back on the first time I saw him. How I knew (even then) that I would like to know him. And we did. It took some work from my part but look at us now, we're great pals.

I can't bare going through tomorrow. To spend one last time in his company... I know I sound lame and all but he really was my reason for going to that dreadful place every morning initially. Even though he is no longer a reason for me, he still means greatly to me. Pink have said that we can still be friends after this and meet up for yumcha and all but things will never be the same any more. For being able to see him 5 days a week and disturbing him as and when I wish, to an occasional call and sms or yumcha once in a blue moon.

I really DREAD DREAD DREAD!

Put On The Spot

Last Tuesday, Scott decided to pack his stuff and shift to dad's. Seems there was a heated argueent (which is very common). 2 days later, mum smsed me and here's what happened.

Mum: Am I such a bad mother.

Me: What should I answer? This is like an impossible question. After thinking for a bit I answered.
No, you're not a bad mother, just sometimes hard to live with. As for me, I find that we tend to argue over the smallest things when we together for too long, so this distance is a good thing.

Mum: Ok, Understood. Scott moved out, did you know? (DUH!) I feel very distressed. What's he gonna do? How's he going for exams?

Me: Have already thought about these when I saw him on Tuesday and asked too.
Yes, I know. I've already asked. Dad will send him to school and if he has a break in between, he'll just have to stay back.

Mum: Ok.

In a way, I feel sad for my mum cos she's now lonely. None of us are staying with her anymore. But then again, none of us can stand staying with her for too long. I know... ALL mothers are like that, very naggy and stuff. Difference is, my siblings and I have a choice who we wanna live with. I feel sorry for those who have to just live with the situation. But before you start accusing me of being a mean bitch, I have to clarify that living with saperated parents aren't a fun ride either. There are many things we had to go through while they were still together and fighting as well as during the saperation period. Things don't just stop there as problems still arises even up till today. I will not go into that.

All I can say is that there are pros and cons to either situation. Be thankful for what you have. When you think you have the biggest problem in the world, turn around and open your eyes and mind, you will see that your problem is a pea-sized problem compared to many others.

Love Would...

Love would make you BLIND
Blind to the flaws that he/she posses.

Love would make you DEAF
Deaf to all your friend who try to warn you about him/her.

Love would make you IGNORANT
Ignorant to the fact that he/she may not be right for you.

Love would make you CHANGE
Change you once-nice attitude/personality to something so evil, no one can believe it's you.

Love would make you LOSE friends
Lose friends in the sense that they cannot stand your 180degree attitude change when you're together.

Love would make you PROTECTIVE
Protective over him/her even tho he/she may be wrong.

Love would make you LIE
Lie to your once-close friends for the sake of him/her.

Left Alone

Was alone in the office the whole day. Luckily there was work for me to do. Or else... I would have rot to death. I can't even walk around to talk to people cos it would be deemed as "snaking". Kat and Anne was out collecting contracts. Cin, G and Mike was out for appointments. I was suppose to go to Universal for an appointment too but last minute had to postpone as Mike has another PR meeting at almost the same time. Hopefully I can go out tomorrow.

Morning was hectic as I had to prepare the official letters to the bank as well as to our terminal provider. It was a last minute thing and it was just plain HECTIC. But it was fun tho as it was something different and I had my time occupied. As I have said before, I don't like routines and my job at the moment just seem so routine lately.

Now, as I have been moved to Phase 1, I think it is much better for me as I am in control. Mike who was previously handling Phase 1 is now doing the PR campaign and I will be heading Phase 1 with Flora. Needless to say, my job status is pretty stable and secure but yet I find myself looking for a better offer somewhere else. This is what confuses me. Am I not happy here? Am I not stable here? Have I learnt all here? Why do I feel the need to look for others?