On Being Honest

Was at Starfucks with Pink yesterday, after work. We had a heart2heart talk about everything. Felt like it was a confessions day. She mentioned that she feels she has to walk on eggshells towards some people and one of them is me. How shocked I was when I heard that. I thought she, of all people, whom I confront with everything (almost) would be the very last person to have to feel scared of being honest with me. Anyways, I told her how I felt about her feeling that way around me and I made her promise never ever again to have to feel that way. I have come a long way and I do know my flaws. Yes, I'd get pissed off and hurt (who doesn't?) when I get critisized but only for awhile and not keep it to heart.

I guess my 2 major flaws are my uncontrollable moods swings and my tendency to go MIA.

AND YES, I do realise that I have HUGE MAJOR mood swings. 1 minute I'm a happy bunny (according to Hamster) and the next minute, I'm a raving lunatic aka timebomb. All my close friends who dare tell me off have told me about it. I do listen (not just hear) but sometimes I just can't control myself cos it has been inborn in me for these many years now. I have taken a counter check on it and do try to control it more these days.

As for my tendency to go MIA, this happens when my depression period comes along. I just won't feel like seeing anyone and wanna be alone all the time. Even if the event is tempting, I'd rather lock myself in the room and mourn (for what reason, it's unknown). But yet, I feel left out when I find out my pals had gone out without calling me. Don't get me wrong, I do go home and think about why it is that way and realised it's again, MY OWN FAULT. After the many times that I have rejected their offer to go out, they have given up calling me out.

I'm sure I have many other flaws but my pals would be glad to point that out for me. :)

To all my pals, I'm sorry if I've made any of you mad at me. And I apologize for any future wrongdoings. Do tell me off... PLEASE. I rather you tell me why you're mad at me than to not know at all.

I'm not perfect, no one is. But I will not defend myself by using this excuse. I know I have many flaws and made many mad. "Sorry" is a very hard word for me to say when I mean it. The 1 person whom I think I really owe an apology to is Banana. I'm only glad to have friends who have stood by me and surpass the test of time as well as mood swings with me. I trully am grateful to these people, namely; Pink, G, Nic & Conz, not forgetting some new comers who already have to endure my horror states; Hamster, Cin, Jaz & Jinz.