Touched

Just when I thought she didn't feel anything anymore, she send me a sweet and touching and email about how she appreciates our friendships and how much I mean to her. It just brought tears to my eyes. I don't know how to react and instead turned to my closest gal pal. She told me to forward her the email and after reading it, she smsed me to tell me that she feels bad for the way we've been treating her lately.

Honestly, I too feel awful for what I have done, all the faces I've shown her, the mean part of not calling her out and talking about her behind her back.

It all started with LW coming into our closed-knitted group of the 4 girls. When he entered our group, I already had feelings for him but later on, Nie seems to have feelings for him too but every time we asked, she'll deny. Based on all her actions whenever he's around, it's so obvious that she has the hots for him. I on the other hand, tend to keep my feelings to myself for I know that there is not a chance of me and him together and if I were to tell either one how I feel, I'll lose both friendships. Only Pink and Yen really knows all these.

The 3 of us suddenly built a wall between us and her. We went places without her. As for me, I suddenly felt like I didn't want her around anymore. She on the other hand, hung out with CC and LW without the 3 of us and without even letting the slightest hint that she did go out with them. Things just gets worse day after day as we found out more things she's done behind our back and we started talking more behind her back.

Right up to just a few minutes ago, she had never crossed my mind. She actually has a very good way of manipulating us. Every time she knows we've gone somewhere without her or she has somehow provoked us, she'll send us sweet smses about how much we mean to her and stuffs like that. She sure did it again when she sent me that email.

I know somehow, I still love her very much and that no matter what and how, we'll still remain as close friends but just depends on our degree of closeness. As for the moment, GG and Pink has the highest degree of closeness in my list.

As I had mentioned to Pink last night, our group seems to be kinda like F.R.I.E.N.D.S. We are a close-knitted, tight-fitted group and yet within our group, we can come up with so much conflicts. Conflicts such as 2 girls liking the same guy whereby another guy already likes 1 of the girl and another girl liking her best friend as another girl likes another 1 of the guy.. All within this same group. I feel like we need to get out and socialize with others outside our group or we'll be forever be in love with each other and conflict all the time.