Bringing on the heartache

30 May 2004 (Sunday) - Bringing on the heartache

My heart was breaking last nite. It was supposed to be a nite full of fun and laughter but somehow I felt like I deemed in the background. Only 1 or 2 person(s) realised I wasn't in the mood for a party.

Whole nite I was thinking of him and the scene that kept repeating before me. Of him and my close pal face to face and of him laying on my close pal's lap. It was just too much to bear. I had to walk out to the balcony by myself to breath some fresh air while everyone else was happily enjoying the Korean movie.

My stepbro was the only one that felt something was amissed with me when I walked out and he came to comfort me. Funny thing was, he didn't know anything at all for we have sorta lost contact for some time. He asked if something was troubling me and I said no but he knew I was lying for he said my eyes didn't lit up when I smiled. He didn't persuade tho and I was glad to leave it at that.

Only later when we went for a cigarette break that I decided to tell my stepbro that I was in love with my close guy friend. He was taken back and said he never realised that I had such strong feelings for him for he only sees up as good pals. How looks can be deceiving. I asked if there was any way I could let my heart die off and he adviced me that I'm on my own in this but he'll be there as an ear to listen. I'm grateful to have him. I must remind myself never ever to take him for granted again and to catch up with him more. He can be a nag sometimes but he's always there for me.

I think I better stop here. I'm feeling more heartachy as I write. I will continue maybe tomorrow or so.